For-My-Mom--with-Love

It’s hard to put into words the feelings I have for my Mom. Love seems such a simple understatement, because my mom meant the world to me. She was my best friend, my lifelong cheerleader, my secret keeper, my soft place to fall during difficult times. She was constant and true, and she always made me feel loved. She gave of herself, and never gave up on me, when it seemed as though the rest of the world had. She and I had a truly unique Mother-Daughter relationship….one I am eternally grateful for.

Like most children would say, when I was very little, my mom was my everything. She hung the moon and the stars. She encompassed all I that I would aspire to be to my own children, a mom who told bedtime stories, a mom who baked homemade chocolate chip cookies on rainy days, a mom who never bought a birthday cake from a store, a mom who came to every soccer game, every brownie meeting, every PTA event, every “parents” night at school, a mom who stuck little love notes in my lunchbox everyday, telling me how special and loved I was. I find it amazing that as our family grew she still managed to make all five of her children feel as though each was her only child.

As a teenager, I went through many changes, and experienced so many ups and downs. If I am may be truly honest, I was a nightmare. Stubborn, Independent, strong-willed, and difficult….to put it nicely. I know many nights my Mom spent praying for me, and many days were spent talking with me and trying to ease the difficult times away. Despite my obvious flaws, she remained steadfast, my cheerleader… holding my hand…urging me on. Looking back, I wonder how she could still love me, through all of my defiance. But she did. As my Dad recently told me, she knew I’d come around. She proved to me what unconditional love is. When I made decisions that she didn’t agree with, she stood by me. When I did things that went against her beliefs, she forgave them, and understood my point of view. She never judged me for making poor decisions….though sometimes I could feel it breaking her heart. I would have had so many regrets today….if God hadn’t stepped in and given me the chance to prove to her that I would, indeed…. “Come around.”

In October of 2000 my Mom became ill with what we’d later find out had been meningitis. I had no idea how close I’d come to losing her. When my Dad called me and told me she was having surgery and stood only a 40 % chance of surviving the surgery itself, I raced to be at her side. The very thought of losing my dear mom was unthinkable. I ended up spending nearly every day and night at her side for the next 7 months. Caring for her became my passion…my gift to her…my apology for being such a horrendous teenager…my olive branch….which she graciously accepted. I cared for her after her release from the hospital, and watched her overcome so many physical barriers. Every day was met with optimism, instead of self-pity. She gained strength and joy with each passing day, and her love for God increased tenfold. She always felt like my caring for her was a gift to her….but the gift was really hers to me. She allowed me to show her through my actions how very much I loved her. That gift is mine now to carry through my life. Caring for my mom was the single greatest thing I have done in my life. It gave me purpose and turned my life around. It made me see how beautiful life really is, and how fragile. I became a better person, a better mother, a better daughter, sister and friend because of that gift. I found my life calling because of caring for her.

My Mom inspired all who knew her. How could someone lose so much….and still be so full of joy? How could she spend months at a time bound to her bed…and still be so happy? How could she breeze through the months and years without weeping for what could have been? That was my mom. She spent every day of her life being the very example she taught. Her trust in and love for God, made her joyful. What better testimony to God could there possibly be? She spent the last eight months of her time here in her bed. She was losing her vision, her appetite, her very ability to move, yet she felt joy, and never stopped smiling. She could be overcome with joy, just by looking out her window and seeing the sun shining. Because of her, I see the beauty in simple things, I don’t need a big house, I don’t need a fancy car, I don’t need a designer wardrobe to bring me joy…instead I feel joy looking at the sunset. I feel joy watching a butterfly soar past me. I feel joy when I look at the smiles of my children. I feel joy when I remember the time I spent with her.

She taught me so much, just by living the way she did. She taught me to love God supremely, to love all people as God does. She taught me to view every situation as a glass half full and to be thankful for all of life’s blessings. She taught me how to love unconditionally and to spread joy. She believed that love was the one thing this world could never have too much of and that giving it out to all people was God’s wish for us.

She was the best person I have ever met, and she gave me life. I am so lucky to have been born to her. She has left me with a father whom I love so very much, she has given me a sister with whom I share my secrets, with whom I cry, and whose friendship I cherish. My mom gave me an older brother who has always looked out for me and been a friend and shoulder. She gave me two younger brothers both of which I love and cherish. She has left behind an extraordinary family of her making. Her love lives on in us all, and though the loss of her has left a valley of empty space in each of us, as a family we are connected and her beliefs are firmly rooted in who we are.

Though I know she is free now, I miss her smile. I miss holding her hand, I miss sharing and talking with her. I miss her daily A.M. phone calls. I miss her laughter, I miss her charm. I miss her love, and I will never forget our precious times together.

Until I see you again, Mom…I love you, I love you so very, very much and I will never stop missing you. I promise to live by your loving example and let your memory live on though me.

This is what I said at my Mom's Memorial service on August 19, 2007